Para Tomoko, que estaba intrigada por esta pregunta.
I must have been about eighteen at the time, still hopelessly in love with Ilona and hungering to embrace any woman, when I found myself alone one day in the deserted wing of a university library with a girl student who later became a star tennis player, Margit S. We bandied words, kissed, fondled. She was a flashy brunette with red lips and nipples and she let me kiss them and suck them, but I begged her in vain to go somewhere with me; she kept saying, ‘that’s enough’, she had no time, and then she suddenly left. Giddy from the taste and smell of her breasts, I had rarely felt such a desperate craving for a woman. I felt seasick. She had stirred up an ocean of longing in me, setting off a storm: I could feel the waves of blood coursing through my brain, then rushing downward. Sitting at my reading table, I masturbated quickly. Of all the children I might have had, few could have been as full of life as the one I should have fathered at that instant: my palms filled with semen to the brim. And while I sat at the table with my hands full, wondering what to do with it, Margit S. came back to say that she had changed her mind and we could go to her aunt’s place, since her aunt wasn’t home.
Today I would have confessed to her what has happened and she might found it funny or perhaps even flattering, but at the time I was so ashamed, so afraid she might come closer and see what I had in my hands, that I told her rather sourly that I had go back into my book and wanted to go on reading. Her eyes widened, she turned, hurried away, and became my deadliest enemy. Ever since then I have thought of masturbation as missed opportunities. For her part, Margit denounced me to the communist party secretary of the University of Budapest, telling him I had boasted to her that I invented quotations from Das Kapital for the Marxism-Leninism exams, on the assumption that none of the examiners could possibly have read the whole book.
Stephen Vizinczey, Praise for older women.
Por cierto, cuidado con las falacias.