Calm

Rita. What were you terrified of?

Dieter. Well, if you want the whole story, I was reaching for the Scotch one night-

Anita enters, with a bottle of champagne.

Anita. Just opening this; I haven’t gone away!

Rita. We’re fine.

Dieter. And I was suddendly convulsed with pain and I was violently sick-it was quite horrible- and what had come up was somewhere between blood and treacle.

Rita. Eurrr.

Dieter. I thought my God, that’s my whole liver.

The buzzer goes. Anita goes to answer it.

And I blacked out as usual and remembering nothing, but next morning, I was racked with shocking pain. I couldn’t move. I nearly died.

Anita (into de buzzer) Hi, sweetheart, come on up!

Dieter. So I lay in bed and thought long and hard.

Anita. Yep-oh!

Dieter. I thought, I’ve been trying to die for years; this must be what I want.

Anita. Cool, great! (She exists.)

Dieter. And then at some point in the afternoon I had a kind of a well, I suppose a-I’ve never really known how to describe it. It was like an incredible sense of calm, and I realised that I was no longer afraid. Because what had always terrified me more than death…was life. I was terrified of life. And I thought that if I chose, I could stop being afraid. I could decide to live. So, two tears later, here I am…trying to live.

Moira Buffini, Loveplay.